i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
