Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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