I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
