Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I forget how to act sober
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