Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
