Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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