i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
