I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
