Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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