why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
