Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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