DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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