even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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