dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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