You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
