they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
