I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
