I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I only lived at night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
