Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
