Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
