he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
