is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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