..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
there was a trapeze. enough said
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
