I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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