so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
