His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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