The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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