People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
