If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she told me i tasted like america
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
