You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
