Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
