Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
