Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
