You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
