what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
