Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
