I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
