i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
