Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
