this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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