What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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