I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
