Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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