my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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