Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize