Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
