he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
