he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
