I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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