Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
