Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize