You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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