I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
