this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I smell like Dick and happiness
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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