Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
