Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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