I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
