I just cut my nipple shaving
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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