I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
