i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
