I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
