I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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