Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
