don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
