just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
