Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
