apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We named our party play list daddy issues
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
