listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
