My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
