I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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