i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think your dad took our porno
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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