I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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