So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
