I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize